I attempted to get into comedy. I started to do stand-up, but I wasn’t very good at it.
ADAM CAROLLAIf you are tuning in just for the show, you’re going to be sorely disappointed.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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We’ve got black and white, we’ve got Hispanic and Asian, we got gay, straight, and Guttenberg, all working together for one common goal: to get the mirror ball.
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[Giving welfare to poor people] is the equivalent of the government sending [fat people] a jumbo bag of Bugles in the mail twice a month.
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Speaking of sleeping bags, has anything ever had a less creative name?
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You should feel good about yourself because of your accomplishments. Not because somebody yelled at you to feel good about yourself.
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I think people have a strong desire to push me and others into some sort of political box that they can wrap their minds around.
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I get depressed at airports.
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Everything seems overwhelming when you stand back and look at the totality of it. I build a lot of stuff and it would all seem impossible if I didn’t break it down piece by piece, stage by stage.
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When I am king, I will revise the sexual bases system so that getting to first base will include oral sex and sodomy!
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If you are tuning in just for the show, you’re going to be sorely disappointed.
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Life is just the time between crapping yourself.
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I swear my car won’t run unless I’m picking my nose: At least, I’m that superstitious about it, so I don’t want to take any chances.
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I’ve got a great eye for color. I’m like a chick.
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I think if you create something and you get an audience for it, then the monetization part is really secondary.
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I think comedy has evolved like every art form, and people probably do less standing around and telling jokes, and more things that have to do with reality.
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I’m a doofus from the Valley, a blue-collar guy.
ADAM CAROLLA