I don’t know anything about computers.
ADAM CAROLLAIf women built the bridges or were meant to build the bridges, then they would have done it.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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The Aston Martin is a beautiful car. It’s a work of art, I love the interior and the style of the car.
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Welfare is monetary methadone.
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When you’re doing a radio show, you can express yourself.
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There’s no bigger atheist than me. Well, I take that back. I’m a cancer screening away from going agnostic and a biopsy away from full-fledged Christian.
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I don’t think I’ve ever seen pie advertised. That’s how you know it’s good. They advertise ice cream and other desserts.
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Rich people don’t pay taxes? Of course they pay taxes – they pay tons in taxes. They pay for everyone else who doesn’t pay taxes.
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I don’t have anything against my mom, but my family has no emotional connection to each other.
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The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks.
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I feel like I’m a time traveler from the future who has been sent back to be annoyed.
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I saw a commercial for the maxi pads for the bigger gals they’re making now. That was a nice visual while I was eating.
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What we used to settle with common sense or a fist, we settle with hand sanitizer and lawyers.
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I think people have a strong desire to push me and others into some sort of political box that they can wrap their minds around.
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When I say things that sound insane, like only the smartest million people should have the right to vote, well, I mean that.
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My mom was on welfare and the occasional food stamp, but I have never participated in any of those governmental programs, even the ones that kind of work like education, scholarships and whatever, and I managed to do just fine.
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Should women be on any pills besides birth control? We should just give them all sugar pills for everything, they’re so suggestible.
ADAM CAROLLA