I’ve never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I’ve never left behind.
ADAM CAROLLAIf women built the bridges or were meant to build the bridges, then they would have done it.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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This is why the terrorists hate us. And it’s not the glitter and it’s not the pomp and circumstance.
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It’s something I’ve always kicked around, not doing the eBook but the Rich Man, Poor Man thing.
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When you’re picking a basketball team, you’ll take the brother over the guy with the yarmulke. Why? Because you’re playing the odds.
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Mmm, tastes like hepatitis!
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The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks.
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When I fart my ass makes a trumpet sound that heralds the arrival of the smell.
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If you’re conservative in Hollywood, you’re on a list of people who need to be put in their place.
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We’ve got black and white, we’ve got Hispanic and Asian, we got gay, straight, and Guttenberg, all working together for one common goal: to get the mirror ball.
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Whoever is for higher taxes, feel free to pay higher taxes.
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It’s like the Fouth of July in my underpants.
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A lot of people would say, to be truthful is to tell all, every dalliance, every crisis. They might be right on paper, but in practice, it’s not a great way to go.
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When you’re doing a radio show, you can express yourself.
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I have feelings that are to the right, and I have feelings that land on the left side of the aisle.
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That’s the thing I love about sports: sports force you to quit. You can’t pursue your dream till you’re 46. When it comes to acting, writing, comedy, nobody ever stops you.
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I’d be at someone’s house or be up on the roof all day and I’d get lonely – stir crazy – and talk radio became this soothing voice in my life.
ADAM CAROLLA






