When I fart my ass makes a trumpet sound that heralds the arrival of the smell.
ADAM CAROLLAIf birds were the size of a T-Rex, the streets would be littered with human remains.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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Well, the post office is probably not the place you want to go if you want to be infused with patriotism and a renewed sense of vigor.
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You shouldn’t be eating anything that takes six minutes to microwave.
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The thing about a good podcast is you have to have a good host. If you don’t have a compelling host then you have nothing.
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It’s funny when you’re a kid how you can acclimate to almost anything.
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Telling them to stop isn’t going to help. There has to be some incentive for them to alter their behavior.
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Being a poor reader was enough to make me not want to do that type of formatted show
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I’m harmless. I don’t have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody. When people know you’re that way, you can say stuff that the creepy guy at your office could never get away with.
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People who fail, excel at avoiding opportunity.
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If women built the bridges or were meant to build the bridges, then they would have done it.
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I don’t think healthcare’s a right. The only right you have is the ability to go out on an even playing field and work, and then purchase health insurance, or whatever it is.
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I swear my car won’t run unless I’m picking my nose: At least, I’m that superstitious about it, so I don’t want to take any chances.
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I think people have a strong desire to push me and others into some sort of political box that they can wrap their minds around.
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Junior colleges are high schools with ashtrays.
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I’m a doofus from the Valley, a blue-collar guy.
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No one is depressed when they’re being chased by a bear.
ADAM CAROLLA