I’ve got a great eye for color. I’m like a chick.
ADAM CAROLLAMaybe I’m delusional but I’m usually funny. It’s not 100% but I have a pretty good batting average.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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I think people have a strong desire to push me and others into some sort of political box that they can wrap their minds around.
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Well, guys are better at mechanical stuff and women are better at emotional stuff.
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I’m a doofus from the Valley, a blue-collar guy.
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If Joy Behar or Sherri Shepherd was a dude, they’d be off TV. They’re not funny enough for dudes. What if Roseanne Barr was a dude? Think we’d know who she was?
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It’s funny when you’re a kid how you can acclimate to almost anything.
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I spoke to my dad, and he said it took close to 90 dollars to raise me. But that was me and my sister, and my sister moved out when she was 16, so sometimes it can knock you up to triple digits to raise a kid.
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. It’s an even wooden floor, and may the best man or woman win. And I say God bless Dancing with the Stars, and God bless the USA.
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If you spend your life walking through somebody else’s museum, you never find out whether you’re Rembrandt or not.
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They advertise the bejeeezus out of yogurt, but I haven’t seen one pie commercial.
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I don’t like those men who claim that their wife is their best friend. . . . I think spouses should tolerate each other and occasionally have sex.
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My mom was on welfare and the occasional food stamp, but I have never participated in any of those governmental programs, even the ones that kind of work like education, scholarships and whatever, and I managed to do just fine.
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Here’s what you know: you know when you’re getting laid, and you know when it’s all over. Those are the only two things you’re aware of.
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All TV is, is really: ‘Don’t you want to be this, aren’t you glad you’re not that.’ There’s nothing really in the middle.
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Toss some Hungarian in every once in a while. You will not be sorry. Good, solid peasant food.
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Life is just the time between crapping yourself.
ADAM CAROLLA