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Maybe I’m delusional but I’m usually funny. It’s not 100% but I have a pretty good batting average.

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Average Batting Delusional Good Hundred Percentage Pretty

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I like radio and live performing stuff. I don’t like the television stuff as much.
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They advertise the bejeeezus out of yogurt, but I haven’t seen one pie commercial.
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I would say the podcast is my favorite because I like the freedom of podcasting. With podcasting you can really mess around with the form and the format.
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I’m a comedian, not a politician.
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When Asian people grow up fast they go to college at 13. White people grow up fast it’s about fudge packing and triple D’s at 13.
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Mmm, tastes like hepatitis!
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If Joy Behar or Sherri Shepherd was a dude, they’d be off TV. They’re not funny enough for dudes. What if Roseanne Barr was a dude? Think we’d know who she was?
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I had two thoughts about it. One was I could do that, and the next one was I’ll never get to do that.
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I’ve always boxed, I always taught boxing.
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The reason I hate publicists is because I think if we got rid of them everything would be on equal footing.
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You’re 28, why are you going to goth clubs? Do what I do, sit at home & wait to die. You don’t have to kill yourself, you’re just waiting.
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If you’re a guy, you have absolutely no idea what’s going on at any time in the relationship, ever.
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I spoke to my dad, and he said it took close to 90 dollars to raise me. But that was me and my sister, and my sister moved out when she was 16, so sometimes it can knock you up to triple digits to raise a kid.
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I’m just gonna tell her, “Be a staff writer for a sitcom. Because they’ll have to hire you, they can’t really fire you, and you don’t have to produce that much. It’ll be awesome.”
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What we used to settle with common sense or a fist, we settle with hand sanitizer and lawyers.
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Speaking of sleeping bags, has anything ever had a less creative name?
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