The shuttle is the worst $20 you’ll ever save. It adds 90 minutes to whatever a Town Car or cab would have been.
ADAM CAROLLAWhen I’m in power, here’s how I’m gonna put the country back on its feet. I’m going to put sterilizing agents in the following products: Sunny Delight, Mountain Dew, and Thick-Crust Pizza. Only the ‘tardiest of the ‘tards like the thick crust.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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I don’t like those men who claim that their wife is their best friend. . . . I think spouses should tolerate each other and occasionally have sex.
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If birds were the size of a T-Rex, the streets would be littered with human remains.
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I liked cars and architecture, and things that cost money. I wanted to not swing a hammer, and make money… and not do stuff that was dirty.
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Those dads that go off to Florida and start a new life, I couldn’t imagine that: seeing my kid once every Christmas, every three years. If I’m gone for six days it feels like too much
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I attempted to get into comedy. I started to do stand-up, but I wasn’t very good at it.
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When you have kids, you instantly feel that you do not want to do them wrong. .
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Screw guilt — I could have sex with 10 men and it wouldn’t bother me. I’m an atheist!
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They advertise the bejeeezus out of yogurt, but I haven’t seen one pie commercial.
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Speaking of sleeping bags, has anything ever had a less creative name?
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We’re always going to want to see LeBron and Kobe go at it.
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The very definition of ‘beauty’ is outside.
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Should women be on any pills besides birth control? We should just give them all sugar pills for everything, they’re so suggestible.
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I like radio and live performing stuff. I don’t like the television stuff as much. Some people do. It takes a certain breed of cat. .
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Then there’s the in-between, not a lipstick lesbian, not a butch dyke. I think that is what I’d be, a sweatpants lesbian.
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I’m a sort of nuts-and-bolts guy. I’m into turning wrenches and swinging a hammer and wrenching on cars.
ADAM CAROLLA