They advertise the bejeeezus out of yogurt, but I haven’t seen one pie commercial.
ADAM CAROLLAEverything seems overwhelming when you stand back and look at the totality of it. I build a lot of stuff and it would all seem impossible if I didn’t break it down piece by piece, stage by stage.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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So most people don’t have the courage to admit there’s no God and they know it. They feel it. They try to suppress it. And if you bring it up they get angry because it freaks them out.
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What we used to settle with common sense or a fist, we settle with hand sanitizer and lawyers.
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I’m not comically oriented. I get angry and I start complaining and then people start laughing. I don’t even want them to laugh half the time.
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I have no connection with Hollywood. I’m not interested. I don’t care.
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All TV is, is really: ‘Don’t you want to be this, aren’t you glad you’re not that.’ There’s nothing really in the middle.
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In my early 20s I was so miserable doing construction, I wanted something that paid money. I liked nice stuff.
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The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks. If my daughter has a mediocre sense of humor
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I’d never hurt another person.
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Welfare is monetary methadone.
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The main thing that I learned from my horrible job experiences was how horrible they were.
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I have a daughter who I love very much, I hire women, I’ve worked with women, I’ve never had an issue with women.
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I’m like John Q. Public. I represent what every guy wants and needs.
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That’s the thing I love about sports: sports force you to quit. You can’t pursue your dream till you’re 46. When it comes to acting, writing, comedy, nobody ever stops you.
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I know there’s no God and I know most of the world knows that as well. They just won’t admit it because there’s another thing they know. They know they’re going to die and it freaks them out.
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I’m a comedian, not a politician.
ADAM CAROLLA