Of course on air I use occasional hyperbole to tell a story.
ADAM CAROLLAEverything seems overwhelming when you stand back and look at the totality of it. I build a lot of stuff and it would all seem impossible if I didn’t break it down piece by piece, stage by stage.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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Honestly, I’ve always had difficulty relaxing, unwinding and going to bed – that kind of stuff.
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If you want to have a good life, you should focus on your family, on your business, on your dog, on your fun, and you’ll have a good life.
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I’m a sort of nuts-and-bolts guy. I’m into turning wrenches and swinging a hammer and wrenching on cars.
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The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks. If my daughter has a mediocre sense of humor
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Here’s what you know: you know when you’re getting laid, and you know when it’s all over. Those are the only two things you’re aware of.
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I’d never hurt another person.
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Life is just the time between crapping yourself.
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I give women two types of orgasms. Fake and none.
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[Giving welfare to poor people] is the equivalent of the government sending [fat people] a jumbo bag of Bugles in the mail twice a month.
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I didn’t have any success in show business until I was 30 to 31 years of age.
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The best gift you can give yourself is some drive–that thing inside of you that gets you out the door to the gym, job interviews, and dates.
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My motto is “more mystery, less history”.
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You shouldn’t be eating anything that takes six minutes to microwave.
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When I fart my ass makes a trumpet sound that heralds the arrival of the smell.
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I’m just gonna tell her, “Be a staff writer for a sitcom. Because they’ll have to hire you, they can’t really fire you, and you don’t have to produce that much. It’ll be awesome.”
ADAM CAROLLA