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Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there’s nothing exactly like it.

W. C. Fields

I never eat before breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Eat Myself One Liner
I didn’t squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn’t see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Food Myself See
I don’t drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?
W. C. FIELDS

Destroy Myself See
I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Control Food Myself Strong
Never give a sucker an even break.
W. C. FIELDS

Break One Liner
Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she’ll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
W. C. FIELDS

Expectation Herself Life Man Woman Yourself
Prayers never bring anything, They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy – but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas.
W. C. FIELDS

Gift Ignorance Peace Prayer Wisdom
I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.
W. C. FIELDS

Funny Myself Time
I’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Religious
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
W. C. FIELDS

Father Myself Prison
When you wake up in the morning, smile – and get it over with.
W. C. FIELDS

Morning Smile Wake Up Yourself
I like children. If they’re properly cooked.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Food Myself
I must have a drink of breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Morning Myself
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
W. C. FIELDS

Man Money Poor Rich
It’s a funny old world. A man’s lucky if he gets out of it alive.
W. C. FIELDS

Alive Funny Old World
I’m free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
W. C. FIELDS

Equality Freedom Hate Myself

Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there’s nothing exactly like it.

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Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there’s nothing exactly like it.

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