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Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there’s nothing exactly like it.

W. C. Fields

A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.
W. C. FIELDS

Herself Thankful Woman
Drat! Being the encapsulated view of life.
W. C. FIELDS

Life View
Just like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, You can’t cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!
W. C. FIELDS

Break Himself Honesty Man Myself Smart Yourself
Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Food
When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
W. C. FIELDS

Doctor Togetherness
During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Live Lost Struggle Travel
It ain’t what they call you, it’s what you answer to.
W. C. FIELDS

Attitude Deep Yourself
I don’t drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?
W. C. FIELDS

Destroy Myself See
The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Funny Man Myself
If pigs had wings, they would be pigeons.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Funny Wings
I drink with impunity, or anyone else who invites me.
W. C. FIELDS

Company Myself
The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.
W. C. FIELDS

Herself Judgement Life Nation Need Wife
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
W. C. FIELDS

Morning Smile Start
It’s a funny old world. A man’s lucky if he gets out of it alive.
W. C. FIELDS

Alive Funny Old World
Never give a sucker an even break.
W. C. FIELDS

Break One Liner
This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
W. C. FIELDS

Drive Grateful Myself Reason

Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there’s nothing exactly like it.

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Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there’s nothing exactly like it.

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