“A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.”

I only drink to steady my nerves, sometimes I’m so steady I don’t move for months.

There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.

You can’t trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.

If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.

I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.

I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.

I don’t have to attend every argument I’m invited to.

I never met a kid I liked.

Anyone who hates children and animals can’t be all bad.

Somebody’s been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!

When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.

I drink therefore I am.

When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.

Drat! Being the encapsulated view of life.

The man who is wrong still retains some respect for truth, if only by accepting the responsibility of choice.

Never contract friendship with a man that is not better than thyself.

A man’s world is different from a woman’s world and a man’s emotions are different from a woman’s emotions and only marriage can bring the two different sets of emotions together properly.

Man often becomes what he believes himself to be.

It doesn’t matter how long my hair is or what colour my skin is or whether I’m a woman or a man.

As long as there is unemployment, war, crime and all things that go to the infliction of man’s inhumanity to man, regardless – there is much to be done, and people need to work together.

A man’s true wealth is the good he does in the world.

Man cannot survive except through his mind.