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I like children. If they’re properly cooked.

W. C. Fields

Wouldn’t it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself People Religious Sanity
I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Vote
I must have a drink of breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Morning Myself
Somebody’s been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
W. C. FIELDS

Food Funny
I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.
W. C. FIELDS

Age Food Myself Need
This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
W. C. FIELDS

Drive Grateful Myself Reason
The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Breathe
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it’s only a question of degree.
W. C. FIELDS

Crazy Doubt Existence Woman
Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself
A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.
W. C. FIELDS

Man Pain Woman
I don’t believe in dining on an empty stomach.
W. C. FIELDS

Believe Empty Food Myself Weird
A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
W. C. FIELDS

Worth Wrong
You can fool some of the people some of the time and that’s enough to make a decent living.
W. C. FIELDS

Enough Fools Live People Time Yourself
Take me down to the bar! We’ll drink breakfast together!
W. C. FIELDS

Togetherness Travel
I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.
W. C. FIELDS

Advice Age Alcohol Authority Give Up Myself
Drat! Being the encapsulated view of life.
W. C. FIELDS

Life View

I like children. If they’re properly cooked.

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I like children. If they’re properly cooked.

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