“I like children. If they’re properly cooked.”

I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.

I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.

Some people are born losers; others acquire the knack gradually.

The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.

Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there’s nothing exactly like it.

Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness… I thought I’d lost it.

I used to be indecisive, now I’m not so sure.

Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night.

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There’s nothing like having a midget for a butler.

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.

Yes I do like children, Girl children, about eighteen or twenty.

I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.

A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.

Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.

I didn’t squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn’t see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.

I never drink water. I’m afraid it will become habit-forming.

Let the children’s laughter remind us how we used to be.

I go to correctional facilities and talk to kids there. They have little kids in there who are, like, 12 years old, stealing cars and stuff like that.

Right now, I do not like kids at all. I mean, I love my fans and everything, but when you have kids following you around all day, it’s like, ‘Ugh, kids!’ Maybe that will change when I get older.

Children listen, I’m trying to tell you something good, don’t get caught up in the hood.

The day my children move out is years I can count on two hands I have them half this time years I count on one.

I want my kids to have a good work ethic. I believe you can achieve anything if you work hard enough to get it.

My children and my husband make me smile. My work makes me smile.

I do see myself settling down, getting married and having kids. But when I think about a family life in the future there’s rarely a man involved which is kind of weird.