I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
W. C. FIELDSStart every day off with a smile and get it over with.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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When you wake up in the morning, smile – and get it over with.
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I’m free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
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My illness is due to my doctor’s insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
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This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
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I don’t have to attend every argument I’m invited to.
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Take me down to the bar! We’ll drink breakfast together!
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I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.
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Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
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I never met a kid I liked.
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Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
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There’s no such thing as a tough child – if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
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Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
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A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.
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Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness… I thought I’d lost it.
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Try till you succeed, if you don’t succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!
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Yes I do like children, Girl children, about eighteen or twenty.
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I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine.
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During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.
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I never eat before breakfast.
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It ain’t what they call you, it’s what you answer to.
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A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
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When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
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Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.
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Never give a sucker an even break.
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Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there’s nothing exactly like it.
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You can fool some of the people some of the time and that’s enough to make a decent living.
W. C. FIELDS