“As I have discovered by examining my past, I started out as a child. Coincidentally, so did my brother. My mother did not put all her eggs in one basket, so to speak: she gave me a younger brother named Russell, who taught me what was meant by survival of the fittest.”

Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it.

People can be more forgiving than you can imagine. But you have to forgive yourself. Let go of what’s bitter and move on.

Old is always fifteen years from now.

Human beings are the only creatures on earth who allow their kids to come back home.

I was’nt always black. There was this freckel that just grew and grew.

Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge.

Human beings are the only creatures that allow their children to come back home.

Nobody ever says, Can I have your beets?

When you become senile, you won’t know it.

The essence of childhood, of course, is play, which my friends and I did endlessly on streets that we reluctantly shared with traffic.

In spite of the seven thousand books of expert advice, the right way to discipline a child is still a mystery to most fathers and mothers Only your grandmother and Genghis Khan know how to do it.

Nothing I’ve ever done has given me more joys and rewards than being a father to my children.

You can teach an old dog new tricks. You just don’t want to see the dog doing them.

The very first law in advertising is to avoid the concrete promise and cultivate the delightfully vague.

Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.

You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything, even poverty, you can survive it.

No one ever does live happily ever after, but we leave the children to find that out for themselves.

Mr. Bean is essentially a child trapped in the body of a man. All cultures identify with children in a similar way, so he has this bizarre global outreach.

All grown-ups were once children… but only few of them remember it.

Our most basic common link is that we all inhabit this planet. We all breathe the same air. We all cherish our children’s future. And we are all mortal.

Mothers are fonder than fathers of their children because they are more certain they are their own.

Our greatest national resource is the minds of our children.

My children give me a great sense of wonder. Just to see them develop into these extraordinary human beings.

If your plan is for one year plant rice. If your plan is for ten years plant trees. If your plan is for one hundred years educate children.