“Communism is like prohibition, it is a good idea, but it won’t work.”

What the country needs is dirtier fingernails and cleaner minds.

We will never have true civilization until we have learned to recognize the rights of others.

The only difference between death and taxes is that death doesn’t get worse every time Congress meets.

You never get a second chance to make a first impression.

I love a dog. He does nothing for political reasons.

On account of being a democracy and run by the people, we are the only nation in the world that has to keep a government four years, no matter what it does.

Common sense ain’t common.

Don’t gamble; take all your savings and buy some good stock and hold it till it goes up, then sell it. If it don’t go up, don’t buy it.

The more ignorant you are, the quicker you fight.

Everything is changing. People are taking their comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.

Do the best you can, and don’t take life too serious.

You can’t say civilization don’t advance, in every war they kill you in a new way.

When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.

Work to make a living; serve to make a life.

The worst thing that happens to you may be the best thing for you if you don’t let it get the best of you.

We can’t all be heroes, because somebody has to sit on the curb and applaud when they go by.

I knew when I got on tour that if I had the opportunity to give back to my community, which is Rose Park, I would.

The trunk of a tree is like a community where only one generation at a time is engaged in active business, the great mass of the population being retired and adding solidity and permanence to the social organism.

The minute somebody joins a committee… they immediately suffer from committee brain. They become wildly over-enthusiastic, over-optimistic, over-pessimistic. Committees turn people into idiots, and politics is a committee.

I believe the gay community is a good group of people but with groups like NAMBLA [a pedophile group] riding on their coattails.

Those who are incapable of committing great crimes do not readily suspect them in others.

Philosophy finds it an easy matter to vanquish past and future evils, but the present are commonly too hard for it.

A community is democratic only when the humblest and weakest person can enjoy the highest civil, economic, and social rights that the biggest and most powerful possess.

Violent crime rates fell steadily from 1993 to 2002, and this nearly coincides with the establishment of the community policing program known as the COPS program under the Clinton administration.