I’ve been married fifty-five years and I’ve been home three weeks.
BOB HOPEI’ve been playing the game so long that my handicap is in Roman numerals.
More Bob Hope Quotes
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I’ve always felt England was a great place for a comic to work. It’s an island and the audience can’t run very far.
BOB HOPE -
He was bare chested and in good trim. I said that just looking at him I knew there would always be an England
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I asked the colonel what type of aircraft it was, and he said, “Don’t worry about it, Bob. . . if you can see it, it’s obsolete.”
BOB HOPE -
I only speak a little pigeon French. Just enough to get by with the little French pigeons.
BOB HOPE -
Culture is the ability to describe Jane Russell without moving your hands
BOB HOPE -
She got to enjoy the personal side of the players. They were her kids. The Braves were her family.
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The Governor has no presidential aspirations. In fact he just made a tour of 43 states just to tell them he’s not running for anything.
BOB HOPE -
Failure is the only thing I’ve ever been a success at.
BOB HOPE -
I come around to your house personally and wet your finger while you’re turning the pages.
BOB HOPE -
I love to go to Washington – if only to be near my money.
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I see the Beatles have arrived from England. They were 40 pounds overweight – and that was just their hair.
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At the Academy Award Dinners all the actors and actresses in Hollywood gather around to see what someone else thinks about their acting besides their press agents.
BOB HOPE -
Ronald Reagan is not a typical politician because he doesn’t know how to lie, cheat, and steal. He’s always had an agent for that.
BOB HOPE -
I was called Rembrandt Hope in my boxing days, because I spent so much time on the canvas.
BOB HOPE -
I do benefits for all religions – I’d hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.
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As the colonel and I sat swapping stories in the plane, a jet aircraft buzzed past our window.
BOB HOPE -
The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he’s really pissed off.
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We didn’t know that in America after the war, you wouldn’t be able to get into a sushi joint without a reservation. And we thought they lost.
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We have 51 golf courses in Palm Springs. He [President Ford] never decides which course he will play until after the first tee shot.
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Everybody knows what California smog is – that’s fog with the vitamins removed.
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Free speech isn’t dead in Germany and Italy, merely the speakers.
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Happiness is watching the TV at your girlfriend’s house during a power failure.
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Most of the people who came for dancing lessons had Rumba ambitions and minuet bodies
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The help (in Japan) is very polite. They bow so much, you don’t know which end to talk to.
BOB HOPE -
He hits the ball 130 yards and his jewelry goes 150.
BOB HOPE -
I went to play golf and tried to shoot my age, but I shot my weight instead.
BOB HOPE