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If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door greet him with, ‘Who could have done this? We have no enemies!’

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I’m eighteen years behind in my ironing.
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I once wore a peekaboo blouse. People would peek and then they’d boo.
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My photographs don’t do me justice – they just look like me.
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What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
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I’m looking for a perfume to overpower men – I’m sick of karate.
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All mothers are working mothers.
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… if they [your children] write their names in the dust on the furniture, don’t let them put the year.
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The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth.
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The reason women don’t play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.
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If my jeans could talk, they’d plead for mercy.
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The best contraceptive for old people is nudity.
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I’m eighteen years behind in my ironing. There’s no use doing it now, it doesn’t fit anybody I know.
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I am descended from a very long line my mother once foolishly listened to.
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Descend Foolish Listen Long Mother Very
We Californians are constantly accused of not having seasons, but we do. We have fire, flood, mud, and drought.
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You know you’re old if they have discontinued your blood type.
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My husband always felt that a marriage and career don’t mix. That’s why he’s never worked.
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