All mothers are working mothers.
PHYLLIS DILLERTennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.
More Phyllis Diller Quotes
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I will never give up. I am in my 14th year of a 10-day beauty plan.
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My mother hated me. Once she took me to an orphanage and told me to mingle
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My body’s in such bad shape I wear prescription underwear.
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They just elected me Mis Phonograph Record of 1966. They discovered my measurements were 33 1/2, 45, 78!
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The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth.
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I never made `Who’s Who,’ but I’m featured in `What’s That?’
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My husband is so cheap. On Christmas Eve, he fires one shot and tells the kids Santa committed suicide.
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I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.
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By far the most common craving of pregnant women is not to be pregnant.
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If you don’t have wrinkles, you haven’t laughed enough.
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Health – what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.
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The best contraceptive for old people is nudity.
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The reason women don’t play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.
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My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.
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I asked my hairdresser what would look good on me. She says a Los Angeles Rams football helmet.
PHYLLIS DILLER