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What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.

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Christmas Day Job Look Next Office Party

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Do not taste food while you’re cooking. You may lose your nerve to serve it.
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I was in a beauty contest once. I not only came in last, I was hit in the mouth by Miss Congeniality.
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The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can’t see him laughing at you.
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I serve dinner in three phases: serve the food, clear the table, bury the dead.
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I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.
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Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
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By far the most common craving of pregnant women is not to be pregnant.
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Doctors say it’s okay to have sex after a heart attack, provided you close the ambulance door.
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I like to serve chocolate cake, because it doesn’t show the dirt.
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This woman goes into a gun shop and says, ‘I want to buy a gun for my husband.’ The clerk says, ‘Did he tell you what kind of gun?’ ‘No,’ she replied. ‘He doesn’t even know I’m going to shoot him.
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The doctor looked my body over. I said: Is there any hope? He said: Yes. Reincarnation.
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Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
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I’m the only woman who can walk in Central Park at night… and reduce the crime rate.
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Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.
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Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age – as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
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In most states you can get a driver’s license when you’re sixteen years old, which made a lot of sense to me when I was sixteen years old but now seems insane.
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