What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
PHYLLIS DILLERWhat I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
More Phyllis Diller Quotes
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In most states you can get a driver’s license when you’re sixteen years old, which made a lot of sense to me when I was sixteen years old but now seems insane.
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I’m at an age when my back goes out more than I do.
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Aim high, and you won’t shoot your foot off.
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Life is a do-it-yourself kit, so do it yourself. Work. Practice.
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I was the world’s ugliest baby. When I was born, the doctor slapped everybody.
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I was so wrinkled I could screw my hats on.
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A terrible thing happened to me last night again—nothing.
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The best contraceptive for old people is nudity.
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If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door greet him with, ‘Who could have done this? We have no enemies!’
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You know you’re old if they have discontinued your blood type.
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Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
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I was in a beauty contest once. I not only came in last, I was hit in the mouth by Miss Congeniality.
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I am descended from a very long line my mother once foolishly listened to.
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The reason women don’t play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.
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The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
PHYLLIS DILLER