“My husband always felt that a marriage and career don’t mix. That’s why he’s never worked.”

I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.

It’s true Fang and I fight, but we’ve never gone to bed mad. Of course, one year we were up for three months.

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

I asked the waiter, ‘Is this milk fresh?’ He said, ‘Lady, three hours ago it was grass.’

You know you’re old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you’re barefoot.

What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.

I serve dinner in three phases: serve the food, clear the table, bury the dead.

All mothers are working mothers.

The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth.

I’m eighteen years behind in my ironing. There’s no use doing it now, it doesn’t fit anybody I know.

By far the most common craving of pregnant women is not to be pregnant.

Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.

Comedy is tragedy revisited.

Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle – keep away from children.

I grew up being an artist, but also rock-climbing and traveling the world and teaching my kids.

It is true that we are made of dust. And the world is also made of dust. But the dust has motes rising.

The only thing worse than a liar is a liar that’s also a hypocrite!

For where there is love of man, there is also love of the art.

The 31th of May, I perceived in the same water more of those Animals, as also some that were somewhat bigger.

You can be heartbroken about a relationship but also, from it, realize you are you, and you’re okay with who you are or where you came from.

It may be true that artists adopt a flamboyant appearance, but it’s also true that people who look funny get stuck with the arts.

Masturbation is not only an expression of self-regard: it is also the natural emotional outlet of those who…have already accepted as inevitable the wide gulf between their real futures and the expectations of their fantasies.