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I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.

Rodney Dangerfield

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Cheat Good Goodness Kid Look Me Wife

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I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.
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Interrupt Spoken Wife Year
My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
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Again Boyfriend Broke Her Marriage Trock Up Wife
I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
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Fat Found Look One Only Out People Way
My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
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Happy Met Twenty Wife Year
My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.
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Back Car Drive Want Wife
My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
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Breast Fed Friend Like Me Mover never Only She Told
My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
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Around Came Carry Father Picture Wallet
When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
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Cat Cover Kept Me Play Sandbox Up
With my wife I don’t get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to ‘the best woman a man ever had.’ The waiter joined me.
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Birthday Ever Had Join Respect Toast Water Wife Women
A girl phoned me the other day and said… ‘Come on over, there’s nobody home.’ I went over. Nobody was home.
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Another Come Day Girl Home Nobody Over Phone
We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations – we’re doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
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Everything Marriage Room Sepaetae Sleep Together Vacation
I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
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Fed Me Mother Shot Sing So Ugly Use
I met the surgeon general – he offered me a cigarette.
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Cigarette General Met Offer Surgeon
With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we’ll never see each other!
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Each Other Every Goe never Night Nothing Psychiatrist Right Seen Sex Wife
I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.
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Brown Dentist Go Teeth Tie Told Wear Yellow
I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
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Family Found Look Nap Tree Was

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