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I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.

Rodney Dangerfield

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I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous – everyone hasn’t met me yet.
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The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
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I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
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My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
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I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
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I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
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I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
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My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
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Already Always Eye Garbage Keep Me Rid She Told Try Wife
On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
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We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations – we’re doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
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I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
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Fed Me Mother Shot Sing So Ugly Use
I met the surgeon general – he offered me a cigarette.
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My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
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Yeah, I know I’m ugly… I said to a bartender, ‘Make me a zombie.’ He said ‘God beat me to it.’
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I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.
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Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.
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Being Do Draw Men Most Thing Told Wage

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