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My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.

Rodney Dangerfield

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Breast Fed Friend Like Me Mover never Only She Told

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One year they asked me to be poster boy – for birth control.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Ask Birth Boy Control One Poster Year
It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.
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Dog Drink Glass Kiss Lip Married Stay Tough Wife
My wife’s jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
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Calendar Day Get Jealous Look May Other Ridiculous Want Wife
I met the surgeon general – he offered me a cigarette.
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Cigarette General Met Offer Surgeon
I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.
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Interrupt Spoken Wife Year
What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
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Bee Butcher Kid Told Wife
My uncle’s dying wish – he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
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Brown Sie Told Uncle Wear Wish Yellow
I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Bath Hate Parent Radio Toast Toy
My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
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Already Always Eye Garbage Keep Me Rid She Told Try Wife
When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
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Cat Cover Kept Me Play Sandbox Up
Life is just a bowl of pits.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Bowl Just Life Pit
I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
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Cheat Good Goodness Kid Look Me Wife
My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Breast Fed Friend Like Me Mover never Only She Told
I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.
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Another Came Cement Felt Hand Neighborhood Real Some Tough
This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
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Everyone Fruit Laugh Loom Met Morning Underwear
At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he knows he can’t.
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Fight Full Hope Man Reform Seventy Still Twenty Want

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