My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD
My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he knows he can’t.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
I’m at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I’ve just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
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Yeah, I know I’m ugly… I said to a bartender, ‘Make me a zombie.’ He said ‘God beat me to it.’
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
I met the surgeon general – he offered me a cigarette.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
One year they asked me to be poster boy – for birth control.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we’ll never see each other!
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
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On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD