Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDMy cousin’s gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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I met the surgeon general – he offered me a cigarette.
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One year they asked me to be poster boy – for birth control.
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My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
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My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
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My wife can’t cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
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It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.
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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.
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I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
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When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
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With my wife I don’t get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to ‘the best woman a man ever had.’ The waiter joined me.
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I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
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I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.
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We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations – we’re doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
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I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.
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