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I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.

Rodney Dangerfield

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Fed Me Mother Shot Sing So Ugly Use

Bagwalas

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Family Found Look Nap Tree Was
I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Dog Family Found Look Three Tree
I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Another Came Cement Felt Hand Neighborhood Real Some Tough
My uncle’s dying wish – he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Brown Sie Told Uncle Wear Wish Yellow
I met the surgeon general – he offered me a cigarette.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Cigarette General Met Offer Surgeon
I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Interrupt Spoken Wife Year
With my wife I don’t get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to ‘the best woman a man ever had.’ The waiter joined me.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Birthday Ever Had Join Respect Toast Water Wife Women
This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Everyone Fruit Laugh Loom Met Morning Underwear
With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we’ll never see each other!
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Each Other Every Goe never Night Nothing Psychiatrist Right Seen Sex Wife
Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Being Do Draw Men Most Thing Told Wage
I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Frink Last Much Olive Sample Time Too
Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Acting Del Delicate Mask Put Very
My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Around Came Carry Father Picture Wallet
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous – everyone hasn’t met me yet.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Everyone Fruit Hear Met Morning Ridiculous Underwear Yet
Yeah, I know I’m ugly… I said to a bartender, ‘Make me a zombie.’ He said ‘God beat me to it.’
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Bartender Beat God Make Me Ugly Yeah Zombie
I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Attack Control Girl Last Myself Night Save

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