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I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

Rodney Dangerfield

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Bartender Plumber Psychiatrist See Seen Told Truth Wife

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If it wasn’t for pick-pockets I’d have no sex life at all.
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All Life Pick Pocket Sex
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.
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Crazy Opinion Psychiatrist Said Second
I’m taking Viagra and drinking prune juice – I don’t know if I’m coming or going.
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Come Drink Go Juice Prune Take Viagra
My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she’s afraid of the light.
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Afraid Dark Light Me Naked Saw Wife
My uncle’s dying wish – he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
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Brown Sie Told Uncle Wear Wish Yellow
My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
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Breast Fed Friend Like Me Mover never Only She Told
My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.
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Back Car Drive Want Wife
My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
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Already Always Eye Garbage Keep Me Rid She Told Try Wife
Each time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself.
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I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous – everyone hasn’t met me yet.
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Everyone Fruit Hear Met Morning Ridiculous Underwear Yet
Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.
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Being Do Draw Men Most Thing Told Wage
My cousin’s gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
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Ben Big Clock Country Cousin Find Gay
My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
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Happy Met Twenty Wife Year
It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.
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Dog Drink Glass Kiss Lip Married Stay Tough Wife
I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
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Cheat Good Goodness Kid Look Me Wife
I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.
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Asleep Blind Day Face Kid Library Man One Pimple Plenty Raed Wake

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