Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDMy uncle’s dying wish – he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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I met the surgeon general – he offered me a cigarette.
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My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
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My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
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I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
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I’m at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I’ve just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
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My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she’s afraid of the light.
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I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
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I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
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My cousin’s gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
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My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
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On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
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I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous – everyone hasn’t met me yet.
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My uncle’s dying wish – he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
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I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
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If it wasn’t for pick-pockets I’d have no sex life at all.
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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
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I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
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I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
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This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
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Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.
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My wife’s jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
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My wife can’t cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
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My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
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At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he knows he can’t.
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Each time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself.
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