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If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.

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I never met anyone who didn’t have a very smart child. What happens to these children, you wonder, when they reach adulthood?
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No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation.
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Absolute Animal Bless Conversation Denim Room Furniture Jump Own Room
If you are of the opinion that the contemplation of suicide is sufficient evidence of a poetic nature, do not forget that actions speak louder than words.
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Romantic love is mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one. It’s a drug. It distorts reality, and that’s the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw.
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Remember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear the phone is for you.
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Happy Hear Life Phone Remember Stage Teenage
Contrary to popular opinion, the hustle is not a new dance step – it is an old business procedure.
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Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.
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Algebra Assure Conscious Life Real Refuse Stand Such Thing
Original thought is like original sin: both happened before you were born to people you could not have possibly met.
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Before Could Happen Met Original People Possible Thought
I must take issue with the term ‘a mere child’, for it has been my invariable experience that the company of a mere child is infinitely preferable to that of a mere adult.
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Never relinquish clothing to a hotel valet without first specifically telling him that you want it back.
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You’re only as good as your last haircut.
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There is no such thing as inner peace. There is only nervousness or death. Any attempt to prove otherwise constitutes unacceptable behavior.
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Calling a taxi in Texas is like calling a rabbi in Iraq.
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I’ve done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not.
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My desire to curtail undue freedom of speech extends only to such public areas as restaurants, airports, streets, hotel lobbies, parks, and department stores.
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Airport Area Departmental Desire Freedom Hotel Lobby Public Restaurant Speech Store Street Undue
Humility is no substitute for a good personality.
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