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If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.

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As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.
FRAN LEBOWITZ

Happy Hear Life Phone Stage Teenage
I must take issue with the term ‘a mere child’, for it has been my invariable experience that the company of a mere child is infinitely preferable to that of a mere adult.
FRAN LEBOWITZ

Adult Child Company Experience Issue Preferably Stake
You can’t go around hoping that most people have sterling moral characters. The most you can hope for is that people will pretend that they do.
FRAN LEBOWITZ

Character Do Help Hope Moral Most People Pretend
Don’t bother discussing sex with small children. They rarely have anything to add.
FRAN LEBOWITZ

Anything Bother Children Discuss Small
Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky.
FRAN LEBOWITZ

Children Confection Every Freshly Obvious Received Sticky Tend Wash
Vegetables are interesting but lack a sense of purpose when unaccompanied by a good cut of meat.
FRAN LEBOWITZ

Cut Good Interset Lack Meal Purpose Sense Unaccompanied Vegetable
Very few people possess true artistic ability. It is therefore both unseemly and unproductive to irritate the situation by making an effort.
FRAN LEBOWITZ

Artistic Effort Irritate Make People Possess Unproductive Unseemly
Remember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear the phone is for you.
FRAN LEBOWITZ

Happy Hear Life Phone Remember Stage Teenage
Humility is no substitute for a good personality.
FRAN LEBOWITZ

Good Humility One Liner Personality Substitute
I never met anyone who didn’t have a very smart child. What happens to these children, you wonder, when they reach adulthood?
FRAN LEBOWITZ

Adulthood Anyone Child Children Happen never Smart Wonder
Ifyou have a burning, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass.
FRAN LEBOWITZ

Burn Eat Feel Paas Paint Restless Simply Something Sweet Urge Write
Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.
FRAN LEBOWITZ

Algebra Assure Conscious Life Real Refuse Stand Such Thing
No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation.
FRAN LEBOWITZ

Absolute Animal Bless Conversation Denim Room Furniture Jump Own Room
I’ve done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not.
FRAN LEBOWITZ

Calculation Chance Done Identical Lottery Play Win
Romantic love is mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one. It’s a drug. It distorts reality, and that’s the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw.
FRAN LEBOWITZ

Distort Drug Illness Impossible Love Mental Pleasurable Point Really Romantic Saw
My desire to curtail undue freedom of speech extends only to such public areas as restaurants, airports, streets, hotel lobbies, parks, and department stores.
FRAN LEBOWITZ

Airport Area Departmental Desire Freedom Hotel Lobby Public Restaurant Speech Store Street Undue

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