You’re only as good as your last haircut.
FRAN LEBOWITZRadio news is bearable. This is due to the fact that while the news is being broadcast, the disk jockey is not allowed to talk.
More Fran Lebowitz Quotes
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Never relinquish clothing to a hotel valet without first specifically telling him that you want it back.
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Humility is no substitute for a good personality.
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I never took hallucinogenic drugs because I never wanted my consciousness expanded one unnecessary iota.
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The opposite of talking isn’t listening. The opposite of talking is waiting.
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Nothing succeeds like address.
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Food is an important part of a balanced diet.
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If you are of the opinion that the contemplation of suicide is sufficient evidence of a poetic nature, do not forget that actions speak louder than words.
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Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine.
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In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.
FRAN LEBOWITZ -
Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women, it is simply a good excuse not to play football.
FRAN LEBOWITZ -
Original thought is like original sin: both happened before you were born to people you could not have possibly met.
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Your life story would not make a good book. Don’t even try.
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Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs.
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Designer clothes worn by children are like snowsuits worn by adults. Few can carry it off successfully.
FRAN LEBOWITZ -
Don’t bother discussing sex with small children. They rarely have anything to add.
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I’ve done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not.
FRAN LEBOWITZ -
Romantic love is mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one. It’s a drug. It distorts reality, and that’s the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw.
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Do not, on a rainy day, ask your child what he feels like doing, because I assure you that what he feels like doing, you won’t feel like watching.
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My desire to curtail undue freedom of speech extends only to such public areas as restaurants, airports, streets, hotel lobbies, parks, and department stores.
FRAN LEBOWITZ -
Verbal exchanges between consenting adults in private are as of little interest to me as they probably are to them.
FRAN LEBOWITZ -
There is no such thing as inner peace. There is only nervousness or death. Any attempt to prove otherwise constitutes unacceptable behavior.
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The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer them a drink.
FRAN LEBOWITZ -
Having been unpopular in high school is not just cause for book publications.
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You can’t go around hoping that most people have sterling moral characters. The most you can hope for is that people will pretend that they do.
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In the Soviet Union, capitalism triumphed over communism. In this country, capitalism triumphed over democracy.
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When you leave New York, you are astonished at how clean the rest of the world is. Clean is not enough.
FRAN LEBOWITZ