“Your life story would not make a good book. Don’t even try.”

Nothing succeeds like address.

You’re only as good as your last haircut.

Contrary to popular opinion, the hustle is not a new dance step – it is an old business procedure.

Radio news is bearable. This is due to the fact that while the news is being broadcast, the disk jockey is not allowed to talk.

Ifyou have a burning, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass.

If you are truly serious abut preparing your child for the future, don’t teach him to subtract teach him to deduct.

Designer clothes worn by children are like snowsuits worn by adults. Few can carry it off successfully.

Calling a taxi in Texas is like calling a rabbi in Iraq.

When you leave New York, you are astonished at how clean the rest of the world is. Clean is not enough.

Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat.

Vegetables are interesting but lack a sense of purpose when unaccompanied by a good cut of meat.

Don’t bother discussing sex with small children. They rarely have anything to add.

Success didn’t spoil me, I’ve always been insufferable.

Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women, it is simply a good excuse not to play football.

Food is an important part of a balanced diet.

To put it rather bluntly, I am not the type who wants to go back to the land; I am the type who wants to go back to the hotel.

But that would put me on a path that would make me totally divergent from who I am. I don’t have to go through the heartache many other people go through, of figuring out what makes them “wealthy.” I know what brings me joy.

I may make light of being a domestic terrorist, but if they can brand me a domestic terrorist and confiscate all my materials, and then expand into confiscating other people’s materials.

Black history is being comfortable in your own skin no matter what color you are. Black history makes me proud of where I came from and where I am going in life.

It’s great to work with the people who make you laugh and who are funnier than I am.

Israel can make peace with an organization that seeks its destruction. That’s Hamas. But Israel can make peace with the Palestinian Authority. It requires a lot of courage from both sides including President Mahmoud Abbas, the president of the Palestinian Authority.

Education does not necessarily make one wise?

And if we can’t get it right, with the relatively small number of veterans, how in the world are you going to do it with the entire population?

The sleepy like to make excuses.