Nothing succeeds like address.
FRAN LEBOWITZIf you are truly serious abut preparing your child for the future, don’t teach him to subtract teach him to deduct.
More Fran Lebowitz Quotes
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Don’t bother discussing sex with small children. They rarely have anything to add.
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Life is something to do when you can’t get to sleep.
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All God’s children are not beautiful. Most of God’s children are, in fact, barely presentable.
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I figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not.
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No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation.
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Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine.
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You can’t go around hoping that most people have sterling moral characters. The most you can hope for is that people will pretend that they do.
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In the Soviet Union, capitalism triumphed over communism. In this country, capitalism triumphed over democracy.
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Food is an important part of a balanced diet.
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Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women, it is simply a good excuse not to play football.
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Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.
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Scientists – the crowd that for dash and style make the general public look like the Bloomsbury set.
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If you are of the opinion that the contemplation of suicide is sufficient evidence of a poetic nature, do not forget that actions speak louder than words.
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Romantic love is mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one. It’s a drug. It distorts reality, and that’s the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw.
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The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer them a drink.
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Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs.
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Humility is no substitute for a good personality.
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The conversational overachiever is someone whose grasp exceeds his reach. This is possible but not attractive.
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As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.
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Ifyou have a burning, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass.
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Original thought is like original sin: both happened before you were born to people you could not have possibly met.
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Having been unpopular in high school is not just cause for book publications.
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To put it rather bluntly, I am not the type who wants to go back to the land; I am the type who wants to go back to the hotel.
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Andy Warhol made fame more famous.
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Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat.
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Designer clothes worn by children are like snowsuits worn by adults. Few can carry it off successfully.
FRAN LEBOWITZ