“As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.”

Nothing succeeds like address.

Your life story would not make a good book. Don’t even try.

You’re only as good as your last haircut.

Contrary to popular opinion, the hustle is not a new dance step – it is an old business procedure.

Radio news is bearable. This is due to the fact that while the news is being broadcast, the disk jockey is not allowed to talk.

Ifyou have a burning, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass.

If you are truly serious abut preparing your child for the future, don’t teach him to subtract teach him to deduct.

Designer clothes worn by children are like snowsuits worn by adults. Few can carry it off successfully.

Calling a taxi in Texas is like calling a rabbi in Iraq.

When you leave New York, you are astonished at how clean the rest of the world is. Clean is not enough.

Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat.

Vegetables are interesting but lack a sense of purpose when unaccompanied by a good cut of meat.

Don’t bother discussing sex with small children. They rarely have anything to add.

Success didn’t spoil me, I’ve always been insufferable.

Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women, it is simply a good excuse not to play football.

Food is an important part of a balanced diet.

There never was a happier or more devoted husband than the male bluebird. He is the gay champion and escort of the female at all times, and while she is sitting, he feeds her regularly.

A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short.

By being happy we sow anonymous benefits upon the world.

There is no duty we so much underrate as the duty of being happy.

My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.

The habit of being happy enables one to be freed, or largely freed, from the domination of outward conditions.

At the same time, when I can go off with a backpack or off on a surfboard or even off on a run somewhere in the woods – that’s where I’m really happy.

The world is so full of a number of things, I’m sure we should all be as happy as kings.