Your life story would not make a good book. Don’t even try.
FRAN LEBOWITZThere is no such thing as inner peace. There is only nervousness or death. Any attempt to prove otherwise constitutes unacceptable behavior.
More Fran Lebowitz Quotes
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Remember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear the phone is for you.
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Humility is no substitute for a good personality.
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Verbal exchanges between consenting adults in private are as of little interest to me as they probably are to them.
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Nothing succeeds like address.
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Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he’s buying.
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I never met anyone who didn’t have a very smart child. What happens to these children, you wonder, when they reach adulthood?
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Contrary to popular opinion, the hustle is not a new dance step – it is an old business procedure.
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Polite conversation is rarely either.
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Original thought is like original sin: both happened before you were born to people you could not have possibly met.
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I’ve done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not.
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Vegetables are interesting but lack a sense of purpose when unaccompanied by a good cut of meat.
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Don’t bother discussing sex with small children. They rarely have anything to add.
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You’re only as good as your last haircut.
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No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation.
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If you are of the opinion that the contemplation of suicide is sufficient evidence of a poetic nature, do not forget that actions speak louder than words.
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All God’s children are not beautiful. Most of God’s children are, in fact, barely presentable.
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Food is an important part of a balanced diet.
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To put it rather bluntly, I am not the type who wants to go back to the land; I am the type who wants to go back to the hotel.
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The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer them a drink.
FRAN LEBOWITZ -
I figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not.
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There is no such thing as inner peace. There is only nervousness or death. Any attempt to prove otherwise constitutes unacceptable behavior.
FRAN LEBOWITZ -
Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky.
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The conversational overachiever is someone whose grasp exceeds his reach. This is possible but not attractive.
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Romantic love is mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one. It’s a drug. It distorts reality, and that’s the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw.
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As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.
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Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine.
FRAN LEBOWITZ