Remember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear the phone is for you.
FRAN LEBOWITZVerbal exchanges between consenting adults in private are as of little interest to me as they probably are to them.
More Fran Lebowitz Quotes
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If you’re going to America, bring your own food.
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In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.
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When you leave New York, you are astonished at how clean the rest of the world is. Clean is not enough.
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Very few people possess true artistic ability. It is therefore both unseemly and unproductive to irritate the situation by making an effort.
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If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.
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Nothing succeeds like address.
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To put it rather bluntly, I am not the type who wants to go back to the land; I am the type who wants to go back to the hotel.
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Original thought is like original sin: both happened before you were born to people you could not have possibly met.
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Humility is no substitute for a good personality.
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Polite conversation is rarely either.
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Life is something to do when you can’t get to sleep.
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Designer clothes worn by children are like snowsuits worn by adults. Few can carry it off successfully.
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I place a high moral value on the way people behave. I find it repellent to have a lot, and to behave with anything other than courtesy in the old sense of the word – politeness of the heart, a gentleness of the spirit.
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Contrary to popular opinion, the hustle is not a new dance step – it is an old business procedure.
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All God’s children are not beautiful. Most of God’s children are, in fact, barely presentable.
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Calling a taxi in Texas is like calling a rabbi in Iraq.
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Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.
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In the Soviet Union, capitalism triumphed over communism. In this country, capitalism triumphed over democracy.
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Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat.
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Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs.
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Having been unpopular in high school is not just cause for book publications.
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Ifyou have a burning, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass.
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I must take issue with the term ‘a mere child’, for it has been my invariable experience that the company of a mere child is infinitely preferable to that of a mere adult.
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Never relinquish clothing to a hotel valet without first specifically telling him that you want it back.
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My favorite animal is steak.
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There is no such thing as inner peace. There is only nervousness or death. Any attempt to prove otherwise constitutes unacceptable behavior.
FRAN LEBOWITZ