Original thought is like original sin: both happened before you were born to people you could not have possibly met.
FRAN LEBOWITZIf you are of the opinion that the contemplation of suicide is sufficient evidence of a poetic nature, do not forget that actions speak louder than words.
More Fran Lebowitz Quotes
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If you’re going to America, bring your own food.
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I must take issue with the term ‘a mere child’, for it has been my invariable experience that the company of a mere child is infinitely preferable to that of a mere adult.
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Remember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear the phone is for you.
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Ifyou have a burning, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass.
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If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.
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Vegetables are interesting but lack a sense of purpose when unaccompanied by a good cut of meat.
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The opposite of talking isn’t listening. The opposite of talking is waiting.
FRAN LEBOWITZ -
Romantic love is mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one. It’s a drug. It distorts reality, and that’s the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw.
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If you are of the opinion that the contemplation of suicide is sufficient evidence of a poetic nature, do not forget that actions speak louder than words.
FRAN LEBOWITZ -
Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women, it is simply a good excuse not to play football.
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Success didn’t spoil me, I’ve always been insufferable.
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Very few people possess true artistic ability. It is therefore both unseemly and unproductive to irritate the situation by making an effort.
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Radio news is bearable. This is due to the fact that while the news is being broadcast, the disk jockey is not allowed to talk.
FRAN LEBOWITZ -
Never relinquish clothing to a hotel valet without first specifically telling him that you want it back.
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Designer clothes worn by children are like snowsuits worn by adults. Few can carry it off successfully.
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The conversational overachiever is someone whose grasp exceeds his reach. This is possible but not attractive.
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In the Soviet Union, capitalism triumphed over communism. In this country, capitalism triumphed over democracy.
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As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.
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Polite conversation is rarely either.
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Don’t bother discussing sex with small children. They rarely have anything to add.
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Do not, on a rainy day, ask your child what he feels like doing, because I assure you that what he feels like doing, you won’t feel like watching.
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You can’t go around hoping that most people have sterling moral characters. The most you can hope for is that people will pretend that they do.
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Humility is no substitute for a good personality.
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Verbal exchanges between consenting adults in private are as of little interest to me as they probably are to them.
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I figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not.
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All God’s children are not beautiful. Most of God’s children are, in fact, barely presentable.
FRAN LEBOWITZ