Calling a taxi in Texas is like calling a rabbi in Iraq.
FRAN LEBOWITZIfyou have a burning, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass.
More Fran Lebowitz Quotes
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If you’re going to America, bring your own food.
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I never took hallucinogenic drugs because I never wanted my consciousness expanded one unnecessary iota.
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Polite conversation is rarely either.
FRAN LEBOWITZ -
I place a high moral value on the way people behave. I find it repellent to have a lot, and to behave with anything other than courtesy in the old sense of the word – politeness of the heart, a gentleness of the spirit.
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The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer them a drink.
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Nothing succeeds like address.
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When you leave New York, you are astonished at how clean the rest of the world is. Clean is not enough.
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My favorite animal is steak.
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As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.
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Contrary to popular opinion, the hustle is not a new dance step – it is an old business procedure.
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Success didn’t spoil me, I’ve always been insufferable.
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Ifyou have a burning, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass.
FRAN LEBOWITZ -
Do not, on a rainy day, ask your child what he feels like doing, because I assure you that what he feels like doing, you won’t feel like watching.
FRAN LEBOWITZ -
Remember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear the phone is for you.
FRAN LEBOWITZ -
I’ve done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not.
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Never relinquish clothing to a hotel valet without first specifically telling him that you want it back.
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I figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not.
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Scientists – the crowd that for dash and style make the general public look like the Bloomsbury set.
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Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women, it is simply a good excuse not to play football.
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There is no such thing as inner peace. There is only nervousness or death. Any attempt to prove otherwise constitutes unacceptable behavior.
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Very few people possess true artistic ability. It is therefore both unseemly and unproductive to irritate the situation by making an effort.
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I must take issue with the term ‘a mere child’, for it has been my invariable experience that the company of a mere child is infinitely preferable to that of a mere adult.
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Romantic love is mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one. It’s a drug. It distorts reality, and that’s the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw.
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The opposite of talking isn’t listening. The opposite of talking is waiting.
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Your life story would not make a good book. Don’t even try.
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Life is something to do when you can’t get to sleep.
FRAN LEBOWITZ