My son says I never tell stories about anyone who’s living.
ALAN KINGAs life’s pleasures go, food is second only to sex. Except for salami and eggs.
More Alan King Quotes
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Villains are a ball. People have been laughing at me for 50 years, so I love to sit in the back of the theater and listen to them hate me.
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Banks have a new image. Now you have ‘a friend,’ your friendly banker. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?
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Marriage is nature’s way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.
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As life’s pleasures go, food is second only to sex. Except for salami and eggs.
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My brother is the youngest member of the College of Physicians and Surgeons. And I wouldn’t let him cut my nails.
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Modesty is not one of my virtues.
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An old socialist-unionist who always considered himself a failure. His big line was: ‘Don’t end up like me.
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If you stop and think about it, nearly all great humor is at the expense of someone or something.
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For me, that wasn’t such a joke, because my birthday was always around this time.
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I always plan dinner first thing in the morning.
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If you keep yourself alive and current, funny is funny.
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My mother’s sister was killed in a trolley car accident, so I was raised as one of eight with my sister and six male cousins.
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I won’t eat in a place that has suits of armor.
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My father helped me leave. He said, ‘It’s all out there, it’s not here.’
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When I read Dickens for the first time, I thought he was Jewish, because he wrote about oppression and bigotry, all the things that my father talked about.
ALAN KING