Some would say certain of these refer to the stereotypical, or ‘stage’ Jew. But objectively speaking, the only crime in humor is an unfunny joke.
ALAN KINGIf you want to read about love and marriage, you’ve got to buy two separate books.
More Alan King Quotes
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I always plan dinner first thing in the morning.
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Let’s face it: It’s difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom.
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Marriage is nature’s way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.
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The world is full of little dictators trying to run your life.
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My favorite way to spend Saturday is in and out of bed, watching sports on TV and eating.
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You want to attack somebody? Make fun of them.
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Eating takes a special talent. Some people are much better at it than others. In that way, it is like sex, and as with sex.
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When I get up in the morning, I have to decide what I’m going to have for dinner or I can’t get through the day.
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I had a sympathetic role in ‘thirtysomething,’ and in two weeks I’m going to do the role again.
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An old socialist-unionist who always considered himself a failure. His big line was: ‘Don’t end up like me.
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My father was a dreamer – my hero. He was a smart, tough guy from Poland, a cutter of lady’s handbags.
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I’m only… I’m only unhappy when the reviews are bad, but give me a good review and I’m a… I’m just screaming all over the place with joy.
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When I was a kid, my father used to tell me that everybody was celebrating my birthday. That’s what the trees are all about.
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As a parent, I’d – I’d be a better father.
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My father helped me leave. He said, ‘It’s all out there, it’s not here.’
ALAN KING