Comedy is an amazing calling. Once you get that first laugh, it’s hard to turn away.
ALAN KINGThere’s a charm, there’s a rhythm, there’s a soul to Jewish humor.
More Alan King Quotes
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Eating takes a special talent. Some people are much better at it than others. In that way, it is like sex, and as with sex.
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My brother is the youngest member of the College of Physicians and Surgeons. And I wouldn’t let him cut my nails.
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But in the movies, I just love the heavies. It’s much more fun.
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We set no styles, no standards. We’re reflections. It’s a distorted mirror in the fun house.
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I won’t eat in a place that has suits of armor.
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There’s nobody to believe in anymore, nobody to trust.
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You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.
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We watch society. As society behaves, then we have the ability to make fun of it.
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Banks have a new image. Now you have ‘a friend,’ your friendly banker. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?
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My lawyer said, “Shouldn’t be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have?” I said, “Fire and theft.” The lawyer frowned. “Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft.”
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Marriage is nature’s way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.
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And humor has always been a weapon. You want to get even on somebody?
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Milton took vaudeville, which, if you look up ‘vaudeville’ in the dictionary, right alongside of it, it says ‘Milton Berle’ – and he made it just a tremendous party.
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Larry David finds a way to make jokes about the Holocaust. It would never have occurred to me. And it was funny.
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When I first saw Richard Pryor perform, I told him, ‘You’re doing a Jewish act.’
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I just never saw my mother in any other room but the kitchen. There were always pots going.
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As life’s pleasures go, food is second only to sex. Except for salami and eggs.
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When I was a kid, my father used to tell me that everybody was celebrating my birthday. That’s what the trees are all about.
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I don’t mind being 65, but nobody is gonna tell me to come in at 5:30 to have the early bird special.
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Some would say certain of these refer to the stereotypical, or ‘stage’ Jew. But objectively speaking, the only crime in humor is an unfunny joke.
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That’s the great thing about New Year’s, you get to be a year older.
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I’m only… I’m only unhappy when the reviews are bad, but give me a good review and I’m a… I’m just screaming all over the place with joy.
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You know you are getting old when people tell you how good you look.
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When I get up in the morning, I have to decide what I’m going to have for dinner or I can’t get through the day.
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For me, that wasn’t such a joke, because my birthday was always around this time.
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Villains are a ball. People have been laughing at me for 50 years, so I love to sit in the back of the theater and listen to them hate me.
ALAN KING