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That’s the great thing about New Year’s, you get to be a year older.

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Great New Older Thing Year

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I’m only… I’m only unhappy when the reviews are bad, but give me a good review and I’m a… I’m just screaming all over the place with joy.
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As a parent, I’d – I’d be a better father.
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If you keep yourself alive and current, funny is funny.
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Marriage is nature’s way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.
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Banks have a new image. Now you have ‘a friend,’ your friendly banker. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?
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And humor has always been a weapon. You want to get even on somebody?
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For me, that wasn’t such a joke, because my birthday was always around this time.
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The other day my house caught fire.
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Comedy is a reflection. We create nothing.
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You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.
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I won’t eat in a place that has suits of armor.
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When I was in the hospital they gave me apple juice every morning, even after I told them I didn’t like it. I had to get even.
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An old socialist-unionist who always considered himself a failure. His big line was: ‘Don’t end up like me.
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The world is full of little dictators trying to run your life.
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When I get up in the morning, I have to decide what I’m going to have for dinner or I can’t get through the day.
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We get the worrywart, the hypochondriac, the money-grubbing miser, the intractable negotiator…
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