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Modesty is not one of my virtues.

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Modesty One Virtue

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

I think one of the big things about comedy is the ability for the audience to identify.
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My mother’s sister was killed in a trolley car accident, so I was raised as one of eight with my sister and six male cousins.
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Accident Car Cousin Eighty Kill Male Mother One Raise Sister Six Trolley
You want to attack somebody? Make fun of them.
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I had a sympathetic role in ‘thirtysomething,’ and in two weeks I’m going to do the role again.
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There’s nobody to believe in anymore, nobody to trust.
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Any Believe More Nobody Trust
Banks have a new image. Now you have ‘a friend,’ your friendly banker. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?
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For me, that wasn’t such a joke, because my birthday was always around this time.
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Always Birthday Joke Me Such Time
Ed Sullivan brought me to TV first in 1952, then Garry Moore’s program gave me a lot of confidence and freedom.
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I’m only… I’m only unhappy when the reviews are bad, but give me a good review and I’m a… I’m just screaming all over the place with joy.
ALAN KING

Bad Good Joy Over Place Review Scream Unhappy
It’s not easy being a father, but I’ve been allowed a comeback.
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Allow Being Comeback Easy Father
If you keep yourself alive and current, funny is funny.
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Alive Current Funny Keep Yourself
A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let’s eat!
ALAN KING

Eat Every Holiday Jewish Kill Summer Try Won
One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, ‘It’s a little cloudy.’ I took the tube from her and said, ‘Let me run it through again,’ and drank it. The nurse fainted.
ALAN KING

Again Apple Cloudy Drank Faint Juice Little Morning Nurse One Pour Run Specimen Tube
Now that’s better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.
ALAN KING

Better Salami Sex Slice Thickly
As life’s pleasures go, food is second only to sex. Except for salami and eggs.
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Egg Except Food Life Only Pleasure Salami Second Sex
But in the movies, I just love the heavies. It’s much more fun.
ALAN KING

Fun heavy Love More Movie Much

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