My son says I never tell stories about anyone who’s living.
ALAN KINGI made it, Ma – Carnegie Hall. And I didn’t have to practice.
More Alan King Quotes
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Marriage is nature’s way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.
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And humor has always been a weapon. You want to get even on somebody?
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That’s the great thing about New Year’s, you get to be a year older.
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As a parent, I’d – I’d be a better father.
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Larry David finds a way to make jokes about the Holocaust. It would never have occurred to me. And it was funny.
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I had a sympathetic role in ‘thirtysomething,’ and in two weeks I’m going to do the role again.
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The other day my house caught fire.
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Now that’s better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.
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Comedy is an amazing calling. Once you get that first laugh, it’s hard to turn away.
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We watch society. As society behaves, then we have the ability to make fun of it.
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My favorite way to spend Saturday is in and out of bed, watching sports on TV and eating.
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Banks have a new image. Now you have ‘a friend,’ your friendly banker. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?
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If you stop and think about it, nearly all great humor is at the expense of someone or something.
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It’s more fun with someone who really likes it. I can’t imagine having a lasting friendship with anyone who is not interested in food.
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As life’s pleasures go, food is second only to sex. Except for salami and eggs.
ALAN KING