Now that’s better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.
ALAN KINGOne thing I’ve never said in my whole life is, ‘Let’s have dinner at a Japanese restaurant.’
More Alan King Quotes
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You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.
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The world is full of little dictators trying to run your life.
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My mother kept the house clean and we ate good.
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Let’s face it: It’s difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom.
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As life’s pleasures go, food is second only to sex. Except for salami and eggs.
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When I was a kid, my father used to tell me that everybody was celebrating my birthday. That’s what the trees are all about.
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It’s not easy being a father, but I’ve been allowed a comeback.
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Modesty is not one of my virtues.
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The ability to absorb a book and make someone else’s words and story your own was exactly was I was doing on stage.
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A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let’s eat!
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I won’t eat in a place that has suits of armor.
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My son says I never tell stories about anyone who’s living.
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The other day my house caught fire.
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I think one of the big things about comedy is the ability for the audience to identify.
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We set no styles, no standards. We’re reflections. It’s a distorted mirror in the fun house.
ALAN KING