The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks. If my daughter has a mediocre sense of humor
ADAM CAROLLAI guess my feeling is that if you’re going to make a joke, that’s fine, but you should also sort of stand behind it, you know? A joke should be more than a joke, it should be a point that you’re trying to make.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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I don’t think healthcare’s a right. The only right you have is the ability to go out on an even playing field and work, and then purchase health insurance, or whatever it is.
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I didn’t have any success in show business until I was 30 to 31 years of age.
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I have feelings that are to the right, and I have feelings that land on the left side of the aisle.
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All TV is, is really: ‘Don’t you want to be this, aren’t you glad you’re not that.’ There’s nothing really in the middle.
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Well, guys are better at mechanical stuff and women are better at emotional stuff.
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When I am king, I will revise the sexual bases system so that getting to first base will include oral sex and sodomy!
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The reason I hate publicists is because I think if we got rid of them everything would be on equal footing.
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Well, the post office is probably not the place you want to go if you want to be infused with patriotism and a renewed sense of vigor.
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Life is just the time between crapping yourself.
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Being a poor reader was enough to make me not want to do that type of formatted show
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I’m harmless. I don’t have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody. When people know you’re that way, you can say stuff that the creepy guy at your office could never get away with.
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You’re 28, why are you going to goth clubs? Do what I do, sit at home & wait to die. You don’t have to kill yourself, you’re just waiting.
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People are stupid. There’s a lot of dumb stuff that’s successful.
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Don’t do your best, do my best.
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Junior colleges are high schools with ashtrays.
ADAM CAROLLA