I don’t like soccer. I think it makes you soft. And by the way, you telling me it’s the biggest whatever in the World, look, they drink tea everywhere too; they’re pussies, you understand? I want some coffee.
ADAM CAROLLAPeople have to be realistic, or the dream just drags on.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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Mmm, tastes like hepatitis!
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All TV is, is really: ‘Don’t you want to be this, aren’t you glad you’re not that.’ There’s nothing really in the middle.
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Don’t do your best, do my best.
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I like radio and live performing stuff. I don’t like the television stuff as much.
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Having sex without a condom is like riding a roller coaster with diarrhea. You can’t just throw your hands up and enjoy it.
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Well, the post office is probably not the place you want to go if you want to be infused with patriotism and a renewed sense of vigor.
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If birds were the size of a T-Rex, the streets would be littered with human remains.
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When Asian people grow up fast they go to college at 13. White people grow up fast it’s about fudge packing and triple D’s at 13.
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Should women be on any pills besides birth control? We should just give them all sugar pills for everything, they’re so suggestible.
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I’m like John Q. Public. I represent what every guy wants and needs.
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I don’t like those men who claim that their wife is their best friend. . . . I think spouses should tolerate each other and occasionally have sex.
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[Giving welfare to poor people] is the equivalent of the government sending [fat people] a jumbo bag of Bugles in the mail twice a month.
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It should be like a salmon taking to open water. I’ve done so much morning radio that I won’t be overwhelmed by it, but it’s still going to be a challenge.
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I don’t normally vote. I’m lazy and I never bought into the every vote counts.
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I don’t burn any calories trying to be masculine; I just happen to be from that world.
ADAM CAROLLA