Well, the post office is probably not the place you want to go if you want to be infused with patriotism and a renewed sense of vigor.
ADAM CAROLLAWhen you’re picking a basketball team, you’ll take the brother over the guy with the yarmulke. Why? Because you’re playing the odds.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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Wearing Crocs is like getting blown by a dude. It feels great until you look down and realize you’re gay.
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I used to be a Democrat, now I’m basically a Republican.
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I cook a little bit. I make a Hungarian dish called chicken paprikash that’s out of this world. I’ll give a heads-up to all of your readers that it doesn’t have to be between Thai and Mexican every night.
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But the idea that I was making $10 an hour and stacking drywall while these guys were making a few hundred thousand, and they were having a party, and there were Playmates and there were good times, I just couldn’t imagine it.
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I don’t think I’ve ever seen pie advertised. That’s how you know it’s good. They advertise ice cream and other desserts.
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I feel like I’m a time traveler from the future who has been sent back to be annoyed.
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Well, guys are better at mechanical stuff and women are better at emotional stuff.
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Of course on air I use occasional hyperbole to tell a story.
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I want to work for myself, and I do work for myself. I make plenty of money working for myself.
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The believe-in-yourself adage is grossly overrated.
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Rich people don’t pay taxes? Of course they pay taxes – they pay tons in taxes. They pay for everyone else who doesn’t pay taxes.
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The reason I hate publicists is because I think if we got rid of them everything would be on equal footing.
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You shouldn’t be eating anything that takes six minutes to microwave.
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Then there’s the in-between, not a lipstick lesbian, not a butch dyke. I think that is what I’d be, a sweatpants lesbian.
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Asking someone in advance not judge you, is like asking someone in advance not to smell you.
ADAM CAROLLA