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When you’re picking a basketball team, you’ll take the brother over the guy with the yarmulke. Why? Because you’re playing the odds.

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Basketball Brother Guy Odd Playing Team Yarmulke

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

Well, the post office is probably not the place you want to go if you want to be infused with patriotism and a renewed sense of vigor.
ADAM CAROLLA

Desire Infused Need Office Passion Patriotism Place Probably Vigor
Wearing Crocs is like getting blown by a dude. It feels great until you look down and realize you’re gay.
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Crocs Down Gay Look Realize Wearing
I used to be a Democrat, now I’m basically a Republican.
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Democrat Democratic Republican Used
I cook a little bit. I make a Hungarian dish called chicken paprikash that’s out of this world. I’ll give a heads-up to all of your readers that it doesn’t have to be between Thai and Mexican every night.
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Call Dish Giving Head Hungarian Night Paprikash Sorry World
But the idea that I was making $10 an hour and stacking drywall while these guys were making a few hundred thousand, and they were having a party, and there were Playmates and there were good times, I just couldn’t imagine it.
ADAM CAROLLA

Drywall Hundred Idea Making Stacking Thousand
I don’t think I’ve ever seen pie advertised. That’s how you know it’s good. They advertise ice cream and other desserts.
ADAM CAROLLA

Advertise Good Ice Cream Pie Thinking
I feel like I’m a time traveler from the future who has been sent back to be annoyed.
ADAM CAROLLA

Annoyed Feel Like Time Travel Traveler
Well, guys are better at mechanical stuff and women are better at emotional stuff.
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Better Emotional Guy Mechanical Stuff Women
Of course on air I use occasional hyperbole to tell a story.
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Air Conservative Country People Place Stories Story Use
I want to work for myself, and I do work for myself. I make plenty of money working for myself.
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Money Myself Plenty Want Working
The believe-in-yourself adage is grossly overrated.
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Adage Believe Grossly Overrated Yourself
Rich people don’t pay taxes? Of course they pay taxes – they pay tons in taxes. They pay for everyone else who doesn’t pay taxes.
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The reason I hate publicists is because I think if we got rid of them everything would be on equal footing.
ADAM CAROLLA

Equal Everything Footing Hate Publicist Rid Thinking
You shouldn’t be eating anything that takes six minutes to microwave.
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Then there’s the in-between, not a lipstick lesbian, not a butch dyke. I think that is what I’d be, a sweatpants lesbian.
ADAM CAROLLA

Butch Dyke Funny Humor Lesbian Lipstick Sweatpant Thinking
Asking someone in advance not judge you, is like asking someone in advance not to smell you.
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Advantage Ask Focus Asking Judging Smell Someone

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