I got drunk in Canada. I was there for 2 days but I was drunk there for 4 days. I don’t know how it worked. I guess it was with the time difference or something.
ADAM CAROLLAThat’s the thing I love about sports: sports force you to quit. You can’t pursue your dream till you’re 46. When it comes to acting, writing, comedy, nobody ever stops you.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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The believe-in-yourself adage is grossly overrated.
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The thing is if you have 10 views that land you on the left side of the aisle and two views that land you on the right side of the aisle, then people just put you on the right side of the aisle. I’m not sure why.
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People have to be realistic, or the dream just drags on.
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No one is depressed when they’re being chased by a bear.
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When Asian people grow up fast they go to college at 13. White people grow up fast it’s about fudge packing and triple D’s at 13.
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There is a ton of pressure and you need to read cue cards. I am not a good cue card reader.
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I have feelings that are to the right, and I have feelings that land on the left side of the aisle.
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Having sex without a condom is like riding a roller coaster with diarrhea. You can’t just throw your hands up and enjoy it.
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People who fail, excel at avoiding opportunity.
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If you’re a guy, you have absolutely no idea what’s going on at any time in the relationship, ever.
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You should feel good about yourself because of your accomplishments. Not because somebody yelled at you to feel good about yourself.
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As I said in my last book, birds are mean. They’re the only pet that, when they escape, the owners are relieved. You can tell a species is evil by doing this simple math.
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We’re always going to want to see LeBron and Kobe go at it.
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I saw a commercial for the maxi pads for the bigger gals they’re making now. That was a nice visual while I was eating.
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I don’t burn any calories trying to be masculine; I just happen to be from that world.
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A lot of people would say, to be truthful is to tell all, every dalliance, every crisis. They might be right on paper, but in practice, it’s not a great way to go.
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Junior colleges are high schools with ashtrays.
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That’s the thing I love about sports: sports force you to quit. You can’t pursue your dream till you’re 46. When it comes to acting, writing, comedy, nobody ever stops you.
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Well, the post office is probably not the place you want to go if you want to be infused with patriotism and a renewed sense of vigor.
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Speaking of sleeping bags, has anything ever had a less creative name?
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I like my parents but they are just not good parents. They are nice enough people. I’m not interested in hurting their feelings.
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I get depressed at airports.
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The truth is we’re all probably more creative than we realize, except we spend our lives watching TV or reading somebody else’s book.
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I didn’t have any success in show business until I was 30 to 31 years of age.
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I’d never hurt another person.
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We’re all animals, that we all respond to the same stimuli. If you want to motivate somebody not to have premarital sex, or motivate black bears not to go diving into dumpsters, first you have to think about why they do it.
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