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That’s the thing I love about sports: sports force you to quit. You can’t pursue your dream till you’re 46. When it comes to acting, writing, comedy, nobody ever stops you.

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Dream Force Like Love Pursue Quit Sport Writing

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If you’re a guy, you have absolutely no idea what’s going on at any time in the relationship, ever.
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Absolutely Ever Funny Humor Idea Relationship
I liked radio, or podcasting. I like talking minus the camera and the script part. All those mediums are different, and they are all different with their pluses and minuses.
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I think people have a strong desire to push me and others into some sort of political box that they can wrap their minds around.
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Desire People Political Some Sort Strong Thinking Wrap
The best gift you can give yourself is some drive–that thing inside of you that gets you out the door to the gym, job interviews, and dates.
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Best Build Drive Gift Impossible Seem Stuff Yourself
I get depressed at airports.
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When Asian people grow up fast they go to college at 13. White people grow up fast it’s about fudge packing and triple D’s at 13.
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Screw guilt — I could have sex with 10 men and it wouldn’t bother me. I’m an atheist!
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I’ve got a great eye for color. I’m like a chick.
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Chick Color Eye Great Visible Vision
I got drunk in Canada. I was there for 2 days but I was drunk there for 4 days. I don’t know how it worked. I guess it was with the time difference or something.
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I feel like I’m a time traveler from the future who has been sent back to be annoyed.
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Annoyed Feel Like Time Travel Traveler
If you want to have a good life, you should focus on your family, on your business, on your dog, on your fun, and you’ll have a good life.
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Business Dog Family Focus Fun Good Life
Figure out what to do, then take a nap.
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When you’re doing a radio show, you can express yourself.
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Chicks named Tammy have a greater chance of actually driving a Mercedes than a chick named Mercedes.
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Then there’s the in-between, not a lipstick lesbian, not a butch dyke. I think that is what I’d be, a sweatpants lesbian.
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Butch Dyke Funny Humor Lesbian Lipstick Sweatpant Thinking
I guess my feeling is that if you’re going to make a joke, that’s fine, but you should also sort of stand behind it, you know? A joke should be more than a joke, it should be a point that you’re trying to make.
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Behind Feeling Feelings Joke Sort Stand Trying

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