They advertise the bejeeezus out of yogurt, but I haven’t seen one pie commercial.
ADAM CAROLLAFigure out what to do, then take a nap.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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Well, the post office is probably not the place you want to go if you want to be infused with patriotism and a renewed sense of vigor.
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Everything seems overwhelming when you stand back and look at the totality of it. I build a lot of stuff and it would all seem impossible if I didn’t break it down piece by piece, stage by stage.
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I’ve never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I’ve never left behind.
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I’d be at someone’s house or be up on the roof all day and I’d get lonely – stir crazy – and talk radio became this soothing voice in my life.
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In my early 20s I was so miserable doing construction, I wanted something that paid money. I liked nice stuff.
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The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks.
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It should be like a salmon taking to open water. I’ve done so much morning radio that I won’t be overwhelmed by it, but it’s still going to be a challenge.
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If you’re conservative in Hollywood, you’re on a list of people who need to be put in their place.
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People look at me, and they go, ‘You’re white, you’re smart, you must have went to college. You must have grown up with money.’
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I’ve always boxed, I always taught boxing.
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As I said in my last book, birds are mean. They’re the only pet that, when they escape, the owners are relieved. You can tell a species is evil by doing this simple math.
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The thing is if you have 10 views that land you on the left side of the aisle and two views that land you on the right side of the aisle, then people just put you on the right side of the aisle. I’m not sure why.
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When you’re picking a basketball team, you’ll take the brother over the guy with the yarmulke. Why? Because you’re playing the odds.
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Life is just the time between crapping yourself.
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I’m really just trying to hash out the next two weeks of my life. So, something that is potentially four months down the road is not just a mile down the road for me, it’s a million miles down the road.
ADAM CAROLLA