When I fart my ass makes a trumpet sound that heralds the arrival of the smell.
ADAM CAROLLAFigure out what to do, then take a nap.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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I know everything because I know nothing.
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Here’s what you know: you know when you’re getting laid, and you know when it’s all over. Those are the only two things you’re aware of.
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I used to be a Democrat, now I’m basically a Republican.
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It’s like the Fouth of July in my underpants.
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We’re all animals, that we all respond to the same stimuli. If you want to motivate somebody not to have premarital sex, or motivate black bears not to go diving into dumpsters, first you have to think about why they do it.
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The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks.
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I could definitely see myself making a serious movie or a drama in the future.
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The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks. If my daughter has a mediocre sense of humor
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I don’t think healthcare’s a right. The only right you have is the ability to go out on an even playing field and work, and then purchase health insurance, or whatever it is.
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If you are tuning in just for the show, you’re going to be sorely disappointed.
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There is a ton of pressure and you need to read cue cards. I am not a good cue card reader.
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They advertise the bejeeezus out of yogurt, but I haven’t seen one pie commercial.
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I’ve never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I’ve never left behind.
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You don’t realize how much you use your credit card not even to buy things. It’s a card you get so you can navigate society.
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We never pick up a brush and stand in front of our own easel.
ADAM CAROLLA