When you have kids, you instantly feel that you do not want to do them wrong. .
ADAM CAROLLAPeople are stupid. There’s a lot of dumb stuff that’s successful.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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I like my parents but they are just not good parents. They are nice enough people. I’m not interested in hurting their feelings.
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My motto is “more mystery, less history”.
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I’m a sort of nuts-and-bolts guy. I’m into turning wrenches and swinging a hammer and wrenching on cars.
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They advertise the bejeeezus out of yogurt, but I haven’t seen one pie commercial.
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I am not agnostic. I am atheist. I don’t think there is no God; I know there’s no God. I know there’s no God the same way I know many other laws in our universe.
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Of course on air I use occasional hyperbole to tell a story.
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What we used to settle with common sense or a fist, we settle with hand sanitizer and lawyers.
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You’re 28, why are you going to goth clubs? Do what I do, sit at home & wait to die. You don’t have to kill yourself, you’re just waiting.
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Figure out what to do, then take a nap.
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I don’t think I’ve ever seen pie advertised. That’s how you know it’s good. They advertise ice cream and other desserts.
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I used to be a Democrat, now I’m basically a Republican.
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I’m really just trying to hash out the next two weeks of my life. So, something that is potentially four months down the road is not just a mile down the road for me, it’s a million miles down the road.
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Having sex without a condom is like riding a roller coaster with diarrhea. You can’t just throw your hands up and enjoy it.
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I liked cars and architecture, and things that cost money. I wanted to not swing a hammer, and make money… and not do stuff that was dirty.
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[Giving welfare to poor people] is the equivalent of the government sending [fat people] a jumbo bag of Bugles in the mail twice a month.
ADAM CAROLLA