[Giving welfare to poor people] is the equivalent of the government sending [fat people] a jumbo bag of Bugles in the mail twice a month.
ADAM CAROLLAI want to work for myself, and I do work for myself. I make plenty of money working for myself.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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When I say things that sound insane, like only the smartest million people should have the right to vote, well, I mean that.
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My mom was on welfare and the occasional food stamp, but I have never participated in any of those governmental programs, even the ones that kind of work like education, scholarships and whatever, and I managed to do just fine.
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I didn’t have any success in show business until I was 30 to 31 years of age.
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Then there’s the in-between, not a lipstick lesbian, not a butch dyke. I think that is what I’d be, a sweatpants lesbian.
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The shuttle is the worst $20 you’ll ever save. It adds 90 minutes to whatever a Town Car or cab would have been.
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That’s an interesting philosophical question. When your boner goes away, is that one gone… forever?
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I’m just gonna tell her, “Be a staff writer for a sitcom. Because they’ll have to hire you, they can’t really fire you, and you don’t have to produce that much. It’ll be awesome.”
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My first car was a motorcycle.
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If you spend your life walking through somebody else’s museum, you never find out whether you’re Rembrandt or not.
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Lets not focus on saving a nickel… lets focus on making a buck.
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We’re always going to want to see LeBron and Kobe go at it.
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No one is depressed when they’re being chased by a bear.
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The main thing that I learned from my horrible job experiences was how horrible they were.
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There are certain things women are better at than men.
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I like radio and live performing stuff. I don’t like the television stuff as much.
ADAM CAROLLA






