I am not agnostic. I am atheist. I don’t think there is no God; I know there’s no God. I know there’s no God the same way I know many other laws in our universe.
ADAM CAROLLAHaving sex without a condom is like riding a roller coaster with diarrhea. You can’t just throw your hands up and enjoy it.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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Well, the post office is probably not the place you want to go if you want to be infused with patriotism and a renewed sense of vigor.
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I think people have a strong desire to push me and others into some sort of political box that they can wrap their minds around.
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I don’t have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody.
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Here’s what you know: you know when you’re getting laid, and you know when it’s all over. Those are the only two things you’re aware of.
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I’m really just trying to hash out the next two weeks of my life. So, something that is potentially four months down the road is not just a mile down the road for me, it’s a million miles down the road.
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The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks.
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I have a daughter who I love very much, I hire women, I’ve worked with women, I’ve never had an issue with women.
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I have no connection with Hollywood. I’m not interested. I don’t care.
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Junior colleges are high schools with ashtrays.
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I give women two types of orgasms. Fake and none.
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They advertise the bejeeezus out of yogurt, but I haven’t seen one pie commercial.
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I want to work for myself, and I do work for myself. I make plenty of money working for myself.
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If you’re a guy, you have absolutely no idea what’s going on at any time in the relationship, ever.
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I don’t burn any calories trying to be masculine; I just happen to be from that world.
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. It’s an even wooden floor, and may the best man or woman win. And I say God bless Dancing with the Stars, and God bless the USA.
ADAM CAROLLA






