I attempted to get into comedy. I started to do stand-up, but I wasn’t very good at it.
ADAM CAROLLAI think people have a strong desire to push me and others into some sort of political box that they can wrap their minds around.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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You don’t realize how much you use your credit card not even to buy things. It’s a card you get so you can navigate society.
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I’ve never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I’ve never left behind.
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Toss some Hungarian in every once in a while. You will not be sorry. Good, solid peasant food.
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If women built the bridges or were meant to build the bridges, then they would have done it.
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When you have kids, you instantly feel that you do not want to do them wrong. .
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In my early 20s I was so miserable doing construction, I wanted something that paid money. I liked nice stuff.
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[Giving welfare to poor people] is the equivalent of the government sending [fat people] a jumbo bag of Bugles in the mail twice a month.
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We’ve got black and white, we’ve got Hispanic and Asian, we got gay, straight, and Guttenberg, all working together for one common goal: to get the mirror ball.
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Chicks love dudes who are successful who happen to have money – do you know what I mean? Chicks are attracted to dudes that are doing their own thing.
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Junior colleges are high schools with ashtrays.
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I’ve got a great eye for color. I’m like a chick.
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It’s like the Fouth of July in my underpants.
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I used to be a Democrat, now I’m basically a Republican.
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A lot of people would say, to be truthful is to tell all, every dalliance, every crisis. They might be right on paper, but in practice, it’s not a great way to go.
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I don’t like those men who claim that their wife is their best friend. . . . I think spouses should tolerate each other and occasionally have sex.
ADAM CAROLLA