My most serious character flaw is that I don’t deny myself much.
ANDY ROONEYI’ve learned that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
More Andy Rooney Quotes
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I’ve learned. That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you more.
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Sooner or later the world will have to return to the good old days when we fought wars and killed people the old-fashioned way, one at a time.
ANDY ROONEY -
It isn’t working that’s so hard, it’s getting ready to work.
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I dislike loud-mouthed patriots who suggest they like our country more than I do. Some people’s idea of patriotism is hating other countries.
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Small daily happenings make life spectacular. Start enjoying the small things in life!
ANDY ROONEY -
We need people who can actually do things. We have too many bosses and too few workers.
ANDY ROONEY -
I didn’t get old on purpose, it just happened. If you’re lucky, it could happen to you.
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Anyone should be very suspicious of a sentence he’s written that can’t be read aloud easily.
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Elephants and grandchildren never forget.
ANDY ROONEY -
The biggest seller is cookbooks and the second is diet books – how not to eat what you’ve just learned how to cook.
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I’ve learned, That when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in his little fist, that you’re hooked for life.
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The fastest thing computers do is go obsolete.
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Most of us end up with no more than five or six people who remember us. Teachers have thousands of people who remember them for the rest of their lives.
ANDY ROONEY -
When it comes to educating all of us about the most basic things in life, it seems to me we need more kindergartens and fewer graduate schools.
ANDY ROONEY -
Vegetarian – that’s an old Indian word meaning lousy hunter.
ANDY ROONEY -
The best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.
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I’ve learned, That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.
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We’re all torn between the desire for privacy and the fear of loneliness.
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It’s paradoxical, that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.
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I’ve learned, That when you’re in love, it shows.
ANDY ROONEY -
Do I have opinions that might piss people off? Yes – that’s what I’m here for.
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Happiness depends more on how life strikes you than on what happens.
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Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
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The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.
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I can’t choose how i feel. But i can choose what I do about it.
ANDY ROONEY -
Go to bed. Whatever you’re staying up late for isn’t worth it.
ANDY ROONEY