“The third rule of life is this: Everything you buy today is smaller, more expensive, and not as good as it was yesterday.”

I’ve learned, That love, not time, heals all wounds.

I’ve learned That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.

Christians talk as though goodness was their idea but good behavior doesn’t have any religious origin. Our prisons are filled with the devout.

Civilization means conforming to a standard of behavior that may not seem natural to us.

I just wish this social institution [religion] wasnt based on what appears to me to be a monumental hoax built on an accumulation of customs and myths directed toward proving something that isnt true.

I’ve learned, That you should never say no to a gift from a child.

I’ve learned That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.

I’ve learned that everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.

I’d like to be rich enough so I could throw soap away after the letters are worn off.

Go to bed. Whatever you’re staying up late for isn’t worth it.

Familiar things are a comfort to us all.

The two biggest sellers in any bookstore are the cookbooks and the diet books. The cookbooks tell you how to prepare the food, and the diet books tell you how not to eat any of it!

I’ve learned that no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.

Death is a distant rumor to the young.

I’ve learned… That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.

I don’t know anything offhand that mystifies Americans more than the cotton they put in pill bottles. Why do they do it? Are you supposed to put the cotton back in once you’ve taken a pill out?

Tombs are the clothes of the dead and a grave is a plain suit; while an expensive monument is one with embroidery.

Motorsport is very expensive. No one cares if you had a good season two years ago and then you have an injury. It is a very dodgy investment.

Golf is an extremely expensive sport, and growing up, I didn’t come from a lot, but my parents sacrificed a lot for me to compete, and my goals were their goals.

If you think health care is expensive now, just wait ’til it’s free.

Inflation is not all bad. After all, it has allowed every American to live in a more expensive neighborhood without moving.

I sent her a bottle of the most expensive wine on the menu. She sent me a note: “I will not touch a drop of this wine unless you can assure me that you have seven inches in your pants. ” So I wrote back: “Give me the wine. As gorgeous as you are, I’m not cutting off three inches for anyone.

I had beautiful jewelery around me, and when I lost I would take the jewelery and say, Service – being very generous, because it was very expensive jewelery. I would say, Tip.

Living on earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip around the sun.