“The third rule of life is this: Everything you buy today is smaller, more expensive, and not as good as it was yesterday.”

I’ve learned… That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.

I don’t know anything offhand that mystifies Americans more than the cotton they put in pill bottles. Why do they do it? Are you supposed to put the cotton back in once you’ve taken a pill out?

Being kind is more important than being right.

Guns do not make you a killer. I think killing makes you a killer. You can kill someone with a baseball bat or a car, but no one is trying to ban you from driving to the ball game.

Anyone who watches golf on television would enjoy watching the grass grow on the greens.

I’ve learned, That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.

One of the sweetest things in life: a letter from a friend.

Conservatives are more religious than liberals–although there is no evidence that they’re nicer people because of it.

I’ve learned that we should be glad God doesn’t give us everything we ask for.

Unfortunately, propaganda works.

If you get murdered because you go on a date with someone you met on the Internet, you probably deserved it.

No one ever writes a book in which he is the bad guy.

I don’t like food that’s too carefully arranged; it makes me think that the chef is spending too much time arranging and not enough time cooking. If I wanted a picture I’d buy a painting.

The biggest seller is cookbooks and the second is diet books – how not to eat what you’ve just learned how to cook.

All economists should be locked up until they admit that they don’t know what they’re talking about.

I’ve learned, That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.

I had beautiful jewelery around me, and when I lost I would take the jewelery and say, Service – being very generous, because it was very expensive jewelery. I would say, Tip.

Living on earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip around the sun.

It can be a walk on the beach, it could be a kiss from your child,or it could be a beautiful picture frame, a special fragrance. I think luxury doesn’t necessarily have to mean expensive.

I won`t cry for you, my mascara`s too expensive.

Risk is just an expensive substitute for information.

It doesn’t always necessarily translate into them doing a better job for a band, but I think especially if you’re playing the game of commercial radio and making videos and stuff like that, that’s sort of an expensive proposition.

And we both appreciate that the quickest and the dirtiest solution is usually the most elegant, the least expensive, and the fastest.

You know you’re going to get it, but it’s going to be rough.